Our Channel Poo nail trimming interview

"Noooo, not the nail clipper!" -Revy

Today whee piggies here at the Cali Cavy Collective had the privilege of being interviewed about guinea pig nail trimming by the Channel Poo News team (composed of guinea pigs Sherlock, Gandalf and Mr.Tumnus on Twitter). It was great fun and we really enjoyed the interview with anchorpig Sherlock.

For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript of today's news report (11/15/2011). Enjoy!

Sherlock: This is Sherlock with Channel Poo News. Today's story, NAIL TRIMMING. And How to avoid it. Let's talk to some cavies in the know.
So, @CaliCollective, Can you give us a statement on what you hate about nail trimming? Any bad past experiences?

CaliCollective: Hi Sherlock, well nail trimming is at best a minor annoyance for just about every cavy out there. Humans have to learn NOT to trim too far or else they'll cut into the quick of our piggy nails!

Sherlock: I do agree. Many of our viewers, especially those with darker nails, wish humans would be more cautious. Are there any nail trimming rituals that your humans employ when the deed must be done?

CaliCollective: To start, they always wrap us in a cloth or towel, like a piggy burrito. Giving us a carrot to eat (or shred) also helps. Without a distraction, we would shred the towel, or (better yet) go after their fingers!

Sherlock: Very wise decisions. Are these methods often successful for your herd? Or are there any "dissenters"? :) And do some of you need different positions to feel comfy?

CaliCollective: These methods are often successful - any renegade rebels are temporarily appeased by the carrot. Note: regular carrots are preferable, as we can tear through baby carrots like nothing.
As for positions, most of us prefer being held around the middle with our bottoms firmly planted on a lap. Some pigs feel more secure being cradled on their backs like a human baby during trimmings, but whee certainly do not.

Sherlock: So, then to the point. When the time comes to trim, I don't imagine you all are terribly happy about it. What do you do when you know your feet are about to be targeted by the clippers?

CaliCollective: We use the easily remembered RRR approach to avoiding nail trims - Retract, Run then Retaliate!
1. Retract your feet under your fur so they can't see your nails, doing your best to imitate a large potato or loaf of bread
2. Run - into your pigloo or around the cage. Repeat as necessary. Lesser fit humans may give up on chasing you if you are speedy enough.
If all else fails, you can always express your displeasure with
3. Retaliate using your teeth! Be it human, cloth or carrot.

Sherlock: About how long can you keep the humans at bay with the 3 R's?

CaliCollective: Depending on the determination of cavy versus human, I'd say anywhere from a minute to an hour.

Sherlock: Hmm, an hour is impressive! Do you offer seminars for nail trimming strategy for our viewers?

CaliCollective: Currently our schedules are booked with hay sampling, but we do recommend this handy GuineaLynx guide. http://www.guinealynx.info/nails.html

Sherlock: That's very helpful! Thank you very much for assisting us in our in depth report on nails. Do you have any other messages for the viewers out there before we conclude?

CaliCollective: We hope the tips were helpful and would like to say thank you to our favorite news source Channel Poo for the interview! :)

Sherlock: Thanks very much, @CaliCollective. We're happy to have you on Channel Poo. Remember everyone, Retract, Run, Retaliate! Now for the weather.

Gandalf: Well, @chewing_my_foot, the dense nap covering the area should lift around 5pm, but there will be a WHEEK advisory until sometime after 6pm or at the very least, until veggies are served. Back to you Sherlock.

Sherlock: Thanks, @im_still_hungry. Breaking News: my butt itches. Eyewitnesses say I've been sitting on a piece of hay, and that is likely the cause. Let's check with @wiggly_tumnus for the traffic report.

Mr. Tumnus: Well, @chewing_my_foot, traffic is really moving out here. Keep an eye out for the cardboard box that has been shoved into the center lane. Road crews are also doing construction and laying down more towels on the westbound off ramp, due to a pee spill that occurred earlier today.

Sherlock: Next time on Channel Poo, an in-depth report on Lettuce and how to steal it from the bag on top of your cage. This is Sherlock, goodnight!

For more Channel Poo News, tune in to our favorite anchorpigs SherlockGandalf, and Mr. Tumnus on Twitter.

A bonus tip for nail filing from Bo: I run over and popcorn on the bricks in our cage to keep my nails short


  1. Good report chaps, now when are you interviewing me?

    Field Marshall Boomer

  2. Good question Boomer, you should definitely ask the Channel Poo crew if they need your expertise for an interview. Perhaps on the topic of current peegy world domination goals, or how to put your boar in his place?